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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shinji kun's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
11:33 pm
I got back from the Tokyo trip that was planned on a months notice on the 5th of January. I had a great time, apart from a few disasters that took place. I tripped over the stairs in Shinjuku station when i was going home after B1-Dynamite Vs. Starfire on the 3rd, and I broke my ankle. I haven't updated the journal because not being able to walk, and having painful swelling when I lowered my foot during the first week made me really lazy. I've played World of Warcraft so much that I've probably leveled, grinded and farmed enough to have another 2 months time away from it in Tokyo.

I've just had my computer returned to me with a repaired DVD player, and my cast should be coming off tomorrow, so I should be able to start learning all the routines on the DVD's I got from Japan.

Unfortunately I didn't have enough time to do a lot of the things I wanted to (e.g. go to Yokohama, visit the museums in Odaiba, visit Yanaka Cemetary, see a Kabuki), but I will be going there again, because I love the ParaPara club scene. Hopefully I will be able to afford to go to Tokyo at least once every 2 years when I'm working. I haven't been looking for work because I thought writing "will not be able to walk until early Febuary 2007" in an application letter would probably ruin any chances I had of finding work, but the thought of going to Tokyo again has given me more motivation to work.

Unfortunately I was really jet lagged the first few days. I only slept for 5 hours during my first night, and I slept for around 15 hours the next day without realising (because my clock doesn't say if its AM or PM), which mad me miss all but the last 2 hours of the SEF Final party. I missed out on a great even, but I was greatful to have 2 hours there. That event had the strongest atmosphere of any of the eents in Tokyo. I'm not sure if all SEF nights were like that, but it was crowded, which made dancing difficult, and its crowd was much more diverse then any otehr event. There were more older people, and it felt great to see so many people enjoying ParaPara there.

I'll write about all the events I went to later, because it would take hours for me to describe them, and I want to at least try to start sleeping earlier, because I now struggle o get up for half ten.
Saturday, December 16th, 2006
11:59 pm
I'm leaving for Tokyo in about 1.5 hours. Everythings packed and at the moment I've got nothing better to do then update my LJ and put songs on to my new iPod (iTunes is greatly overrated BTW). I had my last day of work yesterday, and I've started to feel a bit sad since. All the people I worked with are great, and there are a lot of people there that I would really like to stay in contact with. I've been looking forward to the trip for so long, but when I handed over my security card to the supervisor last night, I realised that its the last time I would ever be there, after a year of working there. I decided to do some shopping after work on Friday night, which made things worse. It was the first time the thought of what it would be like to miss Christmas made any impact. I originally thought that it would be quite selfish to go away on my own for Christmas, but with the £600+ that I have to spend on a plane ticket it wouldn't be value for money if I only stayed a week, and theres just to much to many opportunities within those 2 weeks, so it would be a waste of money to go for only a week.

I'm now unemployed, and I have no idea what will happen when I get back, but I know for sure that regardless of the opportunity to go on a holiday of a lifetime, I've made the right decision by leaving. Yesterday someone said to me that they don't blame me for leaving, because theres nothing for me there. As much as I miss working there, I know she was right. I would never get any further there, mainly because of my personality. When people decide who should have a promotion, they consider who they like almost as much the persons ability. Thats quite reasonable, considering that they will be working together, but people like me don't really get to know the team leaders very well. I never really have a chance to speak to them, and it takes me a while to feel comfotable talking to other people, so I usually only get to know the people I sit next too. I would also never put more effort into getting to know someone just because they're in a higher position, so most people there think I'm a shy and naive 17 year old, who's blindly faithful to the company. There are people who have been working there for 3-5 years and have never had a promotion and are still earning the legal minimum, and I know thats what I would turn out to be if I stayed there any longer. Theres someone there who started the week before me and has been promoted to the next level, and theres someone who started almost 2 months after me and is already a team leader. Althought I know I probably wouldn't enjoy that type of work, and it isn't what I want to do in the long term, it shows that the company doesn't think I'm capable of taking on any other responsibilities, in addition to the ones I had when I started working there a year ago, so I see no reason to stay. Even thought I feel embarassed when people ask me where I'm going to, and I have no real answer about future work, if I stay in that job I will still have the role of customer services, a job that they have said that I'm good at, but are unable to pay me an acceptable wage for.

I must admit that I feel very sad after writing that, but I'm not going to worry about any of it when I'm in Tokyo. I don't think I'll ever have the chance to see The ParaPara Allstars, Move, TRF or Overhead Champion ever again, and certainly not all of them within the space of 2 weeks, so I won't regret any of it.
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
12:50 am
I'm making a post after another 4 month absence, despite my intentions to use LJ more actively. World of Warcraft is probably to blame for that, since I've been addicted to it since I started playing it in September. Thankfully some recent events have given me the motivation to make a new entry. Very little has changed so far over the last few months. I'm still working the same job I've had since last November and I'm still procastinating over my College work, although I've been making more of an effort recently, but everthings going to change next week. I've decided to leave the company on Friday, even though I haven't gotten another job yet. I'm very worried that I've made the wrong decition, but there are some personal short term goals that I will miss out on if I stay, and after much thinking, I realised that leaving may be the best option for me.

It all started last month, when rumours that Velfarre (The large Tokyo club that was once the biggest Disco in Asia and hosts the popular ParaPara event Super Euro Flash Gold) was closing down due to land ownership issues. Much to everyones suprise, it turned out to be true. The details of the last SEF Gold at Velfarre were announced, and a reunion performance for the ParaPara Allstars was planned. Lots of Americans spontaneously booked tickets to Japan, and as I was saving up for a trip to Tokyo in March, and I have £3000 saved up, I decided I should go, as seeing The ParaPara Allstars has been my dream for the last 4 years, and I would never get the opportunity to do so again, and there would be no better way to remember the legacy of Velfarre by having what would possibly be the world's first international ParaPara meetup. SEF Gold Final is on the 20th of December, so I assumed that work wouldn't mind if I took time off between 18/12/2006 to 04/01/2007 (so that I could go to the New Years 9LoveJ, which is another ParaPara event), as I was temporarily laid off for 2 weeks on the 19th of December, so Katch and I decided to plan a trip to Tokyo. Unfortunately I turned out to be wrong, as I was told that I could have the paid holiday times I had earned off, as well as Christmas Day and Boxing Day, but I couldn't have any additional unpaid leave or Flexitime, which meant that I would have to of came back on the 26th of December. The completely ignored my request, because not all of the clients had decided when they wanted people to work over the Christmas period (even thugh the client I work for already had), and they weren't ready to make a decision about holidays. Peak time travelling pushed my plane fare up to over £900, and I realised that the tranport and accomadation costs that I would of had to pay would come to £40 more then the fares for staying a longer amount of time. I felt very distressed for having to fit an affordable holiday around the time I had been given off, and I didn't want to cancel the trip, since I've been looking forward, so I thought I should consider leaving.

I work for a company that has a very bad reputation amongst the local workers. They aren't abusive, but the work isn't for everyone, and the pay is very low, much lower then any of the people deserve. I've been working there for a year, and I'm still earning minimum wage, and as I had learned from the holiday requests, I had still not received any respect or consideration. I do enjoy the work, but it pays very little, its not what I want to do in the long term, its a dead end job and I get no recognition or reward for the work I do. Other then the fact that I enjoy the work I like all the people I work with, the only reason I've stayed there is for the financial security, because I would rather keep a low paid steady job over a high paying temp job or permanent job that was too far away. It made me realise that I've been too scared to apply for other jobs, because I've always thought up too many issues with potential jobs. As scary as it seems, it may be better for me to quit and take any job I can find, as my worrys may then seem exagerated. After a weekend of thinking it over, I decided to book everything for the dates I originally planned, and I told work the next day. I said I would understand if they wanted me to leave, and then they decided that the easiest thing to do would be to terminate my contract and ask me to reapply next year. I'm happy that I was given the opportunty to reapply, but I'm only going to reapply if it looks extremely unlikely that I'll find another job.

I'll be flying off on Sunday morning. Going to Tokyo has been my dream since I was 10, and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of it. Everyone I've spoken to about the trip has been very excited, and so far not one person has told me that leaving is a mistake, as they all realise that its a big company, and although the supervisors may like you to have as much time off as you like, the directors will be too far aove you, and too distanced from your work that they won't care about you or your plans, and expect you to take time off only when its convenient for them.

I'll try to write more about the politics of my current workplace at a later time, as the trip to Tokyo is consuming all my energy at the moment. The flight and the accomodation has been booked, and the majority has been paid for, and even after the rest of the accomdation has been paid for, I will have up to £1000 for spending money (even though its unlikely to be that much), and I will still have £1000 in savings left, so I can't believe that I'm fulfilling my dream without being made bankrupt. I'm going to be buying ParaPara DVD's and Eurobeat, as well as lots of gifts, and I'll be eating on a budget whenever possible, so that I can blow lots of money on expensive delicacies whenever necessary, so I think £1000 is a very generous budget. £2000 may be a lot, but it will be the holiday of a lifetime, and if theres one thing I would be able to risk my job, financial security and savings for, its this, so I don't care about how much I'll have to spend.

Current Mood: excited
Monday, August 28th, 2006
5:50 pm
I handed in my last college assignment on Wednesday night, 3 and a half weeks after the colleges extremely lenient deadline, and 3 weeks before I'm due to start the next year of my course (I work full time and didn't have a working computer for one of those weeks, so don't judge me). I've procrastinated over my college work so much this year, which ended up with me staying up past midnight in a desperate rush to finish everything shortly before (but in a lot of cases after) a deadline. I emailed the work at about 1am, along with a message where I apologised for the lateness, as well as a short list of excuses, ranging from being busy (which was partially true, since I spent so many evenings ripping music for the Eurobeat Party at Amecon) and having computer problems. On Thursday morning I got an email from my tutor. I was expecting it to say something along the lines of "we really need to talk about your work this year when you come back to college", but, surprisingly, all he said was "no worries, I have it now thanks". I was expecting to be shouted into becoming more disciplined, so that I would go back to handing work in on time again, but I guess I'm going to have another year of procrastination and laziness, followed by a mad rush at the last minute, so that I can barely get it in to a pass level (but I really will try harder next year).

I'm really glad that I've handed it in now, because I can enjoy the rest of the holidays without worrying about getting kicked off the course or procrastinating over my college work. I can also update this thing more often now, because I always avoided it, because I decided the time would be better spent on my college work. I was also able to enjoy the trip to London without all the worrying that interrupted my weekend at Amecon.

Excluding going to airports and the trip to London with work, it was the first time I visited London since July 06, and I don't know how I managed to go so long, especially since I did go 4 times a year at one point. Unfortunately I quickly realised that I wouldn't be able to go everywhere I wanted to within the 7 hours I had. I decided that I didn't buy enough Indian cakes during my trip to Leicester for Amecon, so I really wanted to go to Brick Lane (as well as Spitalfields Market), but so for I've only managed to get there by wandering about and somehow stumbling upon it, so I didn't try to look for it. I also decided not to go to Oriental City, because it takes about 40 minutes to get there by tube. In the end I spent almost all of the day in the Centre, as well as a short amount of time in Camden Town.

It was still a great day, and I didn't spend too much. As always, I bought lots of Asian food and drinks. I got a bento from Arigato, along with some Calpis Water and had it for lunch in the park. I can't remember the last time I had Calpis, and the Bentos at Arigato were as good as ever. The last 2 hours were spent looking around China Town for stuff to bring back. I found a Hello Kitty rip-off of some chocolate covered jelly Meiji things my friends and I love, which were buy one get one free, some Macau Almond Cookies and what appears to be a new Golden Shower-based snack from Glico, called Pejoy (which has a slogan ending with "Giving You 100% Joy and Satisfaction). I decided to boycott Pocky and Glico last November after I discovered that they are overrated and Meji's sweets are so much better and more unique and imaginative. I also remembered that it will soon be the Mid-Autumn Festival soon after entering China Town, and that meant that there would be Moon Cakes for sale. I haven't had Moon Cakes in a while either, so I got some, which came with the usual pretty looking decorative bag, and a free lantern, which I haven't seen given away with Mooncakes before. I guess that means I can now take part in a Mid-Autumn Festival March, or whatever the children do with lantern on that day.

As well as looking for food, I went to the Japan Centre and the Japanese Department Store (I can't remember its name) to look for some Ganguro/Kogaru magazines. I was hoping to find Popteen (which I'm quite sure still exists), but they didn't have it. JP books did have the new latest issue of Egg though, so I bought it. I'm sure most people would wonder why anyone gladly spend £6.90 on a magazine that’s in a language they don't understand, especially when its a fashion magazine for the opposite gender, and the reader likes the same gender, but I'm so glad that I was able to get it, because the only other issue I have of it is 3 years old. Another thing that made me grateful for buying it was that I finally knew why Egg was advertised on all the Para Para CD's I bought this month. By the looks of it you could get a T-Shirt if you bought all 3 of them. As always, it’s also really funny to look at the 100 adverts they have for minor cosmetic surgery operations they have towards the back of the magazines. I remember when my friends and I first saw them and we joked about how western magazines should be that open and honest about it.

That’s about everything that happened to me in London, but there was also a fairly insignificant, but uncomfortable moment I had there. I posted about a crush I had on a married man at work a few months ago, which started after he spent 15 minutes staring in my direction. He started talking to me after that, but later ignored me completely, which caused me to get very worked up about it, to the point of being unable to imagine being with anyone other then him. I often thought to myself that I shouldn't worry too much, because I'm due to get over him in August (which was 5 months after the developing that crush, and 5 months being the lifespan of the last one, which was replaced with him). It turns out that I really am that predictable, because I was right to the very month, and once again, it was for very questionable reasons, and those being that we made eye contact for roughly 5 seconds, and he looked in my direction at some other point in the weekend. He was constantly surrounded by his friends, so I couldn't do anything about it. He also lives in London, and as much as I wouldn't expect to run into him whilst in a city with a population of Millions, I somehow managed to. I was coming out of a Chinese cake shop, about an hour before my bus left Victoria Station, and he was passing the door at the time. I had quite a "Body Feels Exit" moment (which is the phrase I'm using to describe physical discomfort caused by men I like, because the song completely sums up the issues I have with men, as well as being a great song (anyone who's reading this should also find the Virginelle cover)) and there was nothing I could of done about it. Even if I didn't have to get to the station for my bus I couldn't have done anything to stop him without looking insane. I can only assume that fate was punishing me for my love of fattening, fried Chinese pastries, but at least I'll be completely over him and obsessing over someone else in February.

So that’s been my life over the last few weeks, which has involved fickle crushes and failing academically, which has made me concerned that I now seem to have the personalities of 40% of the Sailor Senshis. Maybe my fickle crushes should be more of a concern then the men that are involved with them, but maybe I should just keep doing the stuff I've done over the last year until I meet someone who's beyond all my fickle issues.
Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
11:31 pm
I've been really bad with LJ reently, and I still haven't posted the Iventi pictures or the update about Amecon yet, but that can wait, because I need to rant about how weird work has been recently. I was originally on a rolling rota where I worked any 8 hours between 9am and 8pm during 1 shift, but that was stopped when I was moved to a building that closes at 6pm. I was told I would have to change my rota, because the people that decided to move me probably didn't take my hours into consideration, which really annoyed me, because working 12-8 is so more convenient for me, as well as being better for the company, because most people aren't willing to work those hours. I was accidently put on 12-8 this week, because the people that do the Rota's are in a differant department, they don't realise the building closes at 6, and they still think I can work until 8 (which I can, but I was told I couldn't whilst I was working in that building), but I decided I was going to work that shift no matter what they say, because if they're going to move me without giving me any choice, and then hire someone to do the work I was doing before, they should be going out of their way to ensure that I can work the shifts we agreed upon (especially when everyone else that was moved didn't have to change their Rota, including the people that work past 6 that moved there a few weeks later). I went to one of the heads of the department, and they said volunteering to work later would be great for them. I was happy with what he said, but the question that just begs to be asked is if they need more people to work later shifts, why was I taken off of that shift in the first place?

I was willing to put that behind me, since I was glad that I would actually manage to go at least 1 week without sleep deprivation, but when I got into work on Monday, the other head of the department was there, and told me that I had to get to work for 7am the next day, because I had to go on a trip to London (because I'm working for a Government Organisation leaflet orderline). I knew there was a trip that day, but all the other people were told they were going to be on it, and I assumed I wouldn't be going, since I was only in that department temporarily, until the other order line got busier. So after I finished work at 8 I had no choice to buy lots of processed food for the trip the next day, since I wouldn't have enough time to cook, or even eat properly in the morning, and then try to survive the next day on 4 and a half hours sleep. After getting to sleep at about 12:30, I got up at 5, so that I could leave at 6:10, and I was surprised I didn't fall asleep at the wheel. The whole experience made me wonder if they were holding a grudge against me keeping my 12-8 shift. Thankfully I only fell asleep for about 10 minutes on the way back, but falling asleep in front of other people makes me feel uncomfortable, especially when I don't know them very well, and when one of the people there was a team leader.

Other then that, going to London was a fairly unusual experience. I love London, but the trip made me feel as if I was caged off from it. The building I visited was across the road from Downing Street, so I got to see quite a lot of central London, but apart from lunchtime, when we went to get something from Tesco Express (which is one long rectangular hallway, where you immediately go into a que upon entering the building), I was trapped indoors.

One great thing that I did learn from that trip is that I really need to get a new job. I'm working on a leaflet orderline, where we are only expected to be able to find leaflets by the item number or full title. If the customers don't have that information (you'd probably be surprised at the large amount of people that don't), we give them the number for the Enquiry department in London (that I visited), who's main responsibility is to inform people about publications and the Department's policies. The London department was very busy in the past, and as there is very little communication between the Enquiry line and Orderline, they didn't have any idea about what did, so we were sent down there to learn about their responsibilities. Even though we aren't expected to find publications for people, the customers expect it, so we often use the website to find them, which surprised the supervisor of the Enquiry line, becuase she didn't think we had any of those resources, or even a search function on the system, and assumed that we took no responsibility for the customers concerns, so shes trying to offer us more resources, in order to further reduce their amount of calls, which will involved taking on some of the more basic enquiry responsibilities of the Enquiry department. I was put with one of the workers there, where I listened into her calls, and when she asked me if I had any questions I really wanted to ask if I could have her job, because the Office is so much more relaxed, people can dress casually, they can listen to music/play games inbetween calls, and the work seems more varied and interesting. The office is also run very well. They have lots of tools to help people with their work, including a messenger tool, which our department really needs, since we get a lot of people asking for information they received from the last person they spoke to, and they also have people spending half the day on the phones, and the other half replying to emails. At the place I work we're either on the phones or answering emails all day everyday, and the people answering emails can't go to break as they please or listen to music, as it wouldn't be fair to give those privelages to the people who aren't on the phone. The great reason by far for me wanting to work there is the location, its in the centre of London, and there are lots of great places you could visit during an hour long lunch break. Unfortunately I'm stuck in a dead end minimum wage job in the middle of no where, just off of one of the exits for the M1, where I'm treated like shit. I enjoy the work and I get alond with the people there, but I'll be glad when I leave there in November.

The trip also made me realise that, exluding airport trips, I havn't gone to London since July 05, so I decided at the last minute that I would go and book a bus ticket to London this morning. I'm going this Saturday. I was planning on going on a ParaPara related trip sometime, but I don't care if I have to visit London twice within a month, because I need to go there as soon as possible, hopefully before the summer ends.
Monday, June 26th, 2006
11:38 pm
I have seriously thought about everything in my life over the last few months. 2006 has gone by quicker then any year, and it probably seems that way because of all of time I wasted being hesitant to act on anything. I had many disappointments last year, I finished my 3 years of full-time education, which was a time that scared and excited me. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I finally had the time and freedom to do things that I'd wanted to do for years, like finding full-time work and moving to Nottingham. I applied for a lot of jobs, and I only managed to get one interview, which wasn't successful. I gave up applying for jobs, because I didn't feel like putting so much effort into an application when I knew I would be rejected. I was also going on holiday around October, which I used as an excuse to remain inactive, because I knew I would have difficulty getting a job when I had holidays booked. Everything that happened to me during that time left me feeling very depressed, and even towards the end of the year, I had difficulty recovering from it.

I had no work between the 20th of December and the 1st of January, which meant that after a few weeks of strugling to get used to have so less time, due to working, I had 2 weeks where I had a chance to rest and think. One thing that was glaringly obvious to me at the time, was that my life wasn't how I imagined it would be. I was too scared to talk to most people at work, and they all seemed to think I was a suicidal narcassist who despises human contact. There were a few people I could occassionally talk to comfortably, including one person who I used to go to college with, but I could tell they found me difficult to talk to, which made me feel uncomfortable. At the time we had our break rotas on the company's intranet, and I would often try to delay my break so that I wouldn't have to spend too much time on my own with them, because it was always easier with more people there, because there would be no awkward silences. During late december I decided that there were aspects of myself I need to improve, but I refused to label them new-years resolutions. I decided I had to become more sociable and open up to people more (as well as getting hair like a Hyper Techno Waros, but thats not important). To prove that they weren't new years resolutions, I decided I would spend the month of January being anti-social and short-tempered, but it actually turned out to be a month of quiet reflection, broken by occassional bouts of rushing to complete my college assignments, which ended up lasting to the end of Febuary. I also started reading the Taoist texts again. I read Chuang Tsu, and after over a year of having many doubts and being unable to understand Taoism, which I once felt a great connection with, I understood it all clearly. I was taking it too literally before, but I was able to see how it all applied to me. Through reading Chuang Tsu and everything else that had happened to me, I've realised been able to realise many things, the most important being that I have let Social Anxiety inhibit my life for far too long, and I've allowed myself to miss out on many things I shouldn't of.

Warning: Contains BS Philosophical Ranting and Pseudo-Psychological ObservationsCollapse )

I realise that the part behind the LJ Cut makes me sound like an Emo Girl, but I don't care, because I need to vent out all the frustrations I've felt over the last few years.

I was very happy for a while, because I had my friends and some at work to talk to regularly, and even though I was in a low paid job, just having time to think and enjoying have time off was enough to satisfy me, but everything changed last week. My friend from the Agency and I have worked at the same company since around November 05 and he left of Friday, to teach English in Italy. During that time we both managed to survive many waves of people being laid off. We stayed there so long that they had to renew our contracts with the Agency (and they didn't employ us directly for various reasons). Many times over the 7 month period there were times when work seemed to be dwindling, and we were scared of either being laid off, or transferred to the other building. Somehow we always got a new source of work (e.g. mail orders from news paper offers or mail that needed to be opened by us, because the main department in the south had too much work) shortly after we were prepared to go home, but by the 15th of June, there were no more mail orders to enter, and despite their attempts to find us more work to do, it never lasted long, and last Tuesday, the day we had been expecting for a long time had come. There was no work to do, other then going back on the phones. After a few hours the supervisor took me off the phones, and into the room where people get taken into when they are getting sacked/transferred. She asked me if I would be prepared to leave the Agency to work for them, because they refused me earlier after telling them I might move around this time. I'm in no position to turn down a steady source of income, so I accepted, but as I suspected they decided to transfer me to the other building until more work is available on my account. I hated being transferred, especially because of the timing, because the only real friend I have there was leaving a few days later, and I wouldn't be able to be there on his last day, and it seperated me from my crush, who I had only just started speaking to again, and who was leaving in just over a week (this Wednesday).

I've been there for almost a week, and everything about it is so differant. If it wasn't for the people who move between both buildings, e.g. the Technicians and response team, I would forget that I'm in the same part of the country, because the other building is unreachable. I also had 4 days of training with one person, which is quite an uncomfortable experience, because they're there at all times. Being moved scared me more then anyone will be able to understand. I had grown to feel attatched and comfortable at the last department, and I was placed into unfamilliar settings with very short notice. Being seperated from the people I felt comfortable with, really upset me. I spent Wednesday evening walking around the park feeling depressed about the move. My friend, who I give a lift home to left without waiting for me on the Tuesday and Wednesday, so I thought they left. When I was able to get a message to them, and got to see them again, I felt so relieved, and hearing about what happened in my old department made me miss it.

Theres also the issue of the man I really like in the old department. He's leaving in 2 days time, and I want to see him more then anything else. I realised if I didn't find out what he thinks of me, I'll find it very difficult to get over it, and view it as a missed oppertunity. Now there isn't anything I can do to talk to him without me looking like a stalker. I could wait outside work for him on night (he's working lates this week) but people don't do that for people they've hardly talked to. I really need some form of closure, even if its finding out that its all in my head and every he's ever done for me was just to be polite, because I'll spend the every waking minute for the next 2 months wondering about it. If I ever get the chance to talk to him again, I'll have to admit to it, but it looks very doubtful that I'll go back within the next month, let alone with the next day, especially since they gave me an extra 4 days of training. I haven't believed in God for years, but I felt compelled to at least try to pray to something, and let incense whilst giving an offering, because the situation is out of my hands.

Things don't look too great now, but I'm not too worried. I often look back on events with rose-tinted glasses, but there have truly been some very happy times over the last few months. It feels as if its an end of an Era, that being a short Era of working, gaining more confidence and feeling socially comfortable after years of insecurity, as well as laughing and joking with friend, worrying about my future employment and being intrigued by the great man who at the very least seemed to think that I was worth talking to. It almost felt like being at school again, but everythings changed now. My friends leaving, my crush, who was a permanent employee is leaving, I'm becoming a permanent employee, and I was moved. All those changes were too much for to take at once, and I was saddened at not being able to witness the former 2, so it depressed me, but I'll get over it.

When I started working in November, I couldn't of predicted the happy times I've had over the last 6 months, so those kinds of happy times could appear anytime without me realising it. Although I still want to see the man I like, I know I'll get over it eventually, I just need some closure in the short term. I have a bad habbit of developing crushes too easilly (as evident by the fact that my current crush dispelled the obsessive crush I had since September), but I won't be able to overcome that problem with the worries I have now. I may still be alone but I'm in a much better situation then I was last year, because I now know that I must live my life without compromises. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not for the sake of other people, or my own fear, and I'm not going to be with someone I shouldn't be with in order to appease my lonliness, because its not fair to any of us. It takes great strength to live a life like that, or to be yourself, or to be a Taoist, so I'm going to dedicate the rest of the year, and however long is necessary, to developing that strength. Even if I don't get over the crush, it will be dispelled by the next one, so I'll just have to try hard to develope a new obbsessive desire for another man who doesn't realise I exist.
8:53 am
It’s so hard to believe that I've haven't updated my livejournal in 6 months. I've been very busy with working, college and generally time wasting that I haven't had much time for livejournal, even though I've really wanted to. So many of my entries are just random rants and observations about my hobbies, which I immersed myself into too deeply, since I had no life, but now that a lot of things have happened to me, I've put no effort into writing it down. At the start of the year I realized that I don't really remember anything important happening in my life over the last few years, so I've realized that livejournal can be quite helpful for remembering important events in people’s lives. The last 6 months have gone so quickly, and I've learned more during that time then I have in the previous 22 years of my life, and came to many conclusions about my life. My Social Anxiety has also fluctuated madly over the last 6 months. At the moment I feel that I will view the last few months as one of the most important times of my life. Here’s a brief list of some of the things that have happened to me since I last updated:-

-I've continued working at the same Call Centre that I got an agency job at when I updated in November. The Bingo Questionnaire only lasted 3 days, and I was moved onto an order line, for a plant company afterwards. After working on the order line for several months, as well as inputting mail orders when the phones were quiet, I was "permanently" put onto data entry, which also included going on the phones when there were a lot of calls.

-I made a real friend at work. He was an agency worker too. We first started talking because we have quite a lot in common, and we both have very similar (i.e. sick) senses of humour. We started talking to each other about web browsers, computers and other geeky stuff, as well as taking the piss out of the policies and practices of the company we were taking calls for. We both act fairly cynically when were together, but I have a lot of respect for him. He's an ex-website designer, who worked in Italy, for an English company, until they went bankrupt. He doesn't speak Italian, so he had to move back to the UK. His girlfriend still lives in Italy, where she’s going to Uni. He didn't want to work as a web designer, because he wanted to visit her every 4-6 weeks, so he moved back in with his parents and found work with an agency, so that he could take regular holidays. He complains about his girlfriend quite often, but it’s obvious that he loves her, because he worked in a low-income job that really annoyed him in order to be able to see her.

-I had a second person crash into the back of my car, within 3 months of the first accident. Thankfully they didn't run of and, after a month, they claimed liability for the accident. Unfortunately it happened when I was lost in Derby, trying to find my way to my friends Uni, which resulted in me driving around the one way system in Derby City Centre during the middle of rush hour, shortly after having an accident, which made me panicky and afraid to brake or change lanes. I was then able to make my way to the train station, an hour after I told my friends I'd meet them in the CC, after an hour of driving in rush hour. After calling my friend, who spent an hour running around trying to find my car, they calmly and jokingly said "don't drive off trying to find us, don't go back into the city, just stay there". As scared I was during that day I can't help but laugh at it now.

-I went to the Iventi Party in Italy, where I met Federico Rimonto (AKA Franz Tornado) and Claudio Accatino, Clara Moroni (AKA Cherry/Leslie Parrish/Rain Drop Shower/A million other Euro and Techno aliases), Alessandra Mirka Gatti (AKA Domino) and Giancarlo Pasquini (AKA DAVE RODGERS!!). I got my picture taken with most of them, and I may upload them, if I'm ever to get over how bad I look in them.

-At the same party, I saw Dave Rodgers, Clara Moroni, Ace and Christine (who I didn't get a chance to meet) sing live, which very rarely happens, especially outside of Japan.

-I saw an incredibly hot man at the Iventi party, who several days later, I discovered was Laurent Gelmetti Newfield (co-founder of Delta Dance, Founder of Akyr Music, and co-producer of Night of Fire and almost all of Deltas Eurobeat songs. I didn't recognise him because the only picture I've seen of him is from the early 90's. I also saw Mauro Farina, who I didn't recognise at first either.

-I regained my motivation for College, and actually managed to do one or two assignments.

-I exchanged stares, awkward smiles, nervous small talk, and, on very rare occasions, full sentences, with a man (arounbd my age) who’s married to a pregnant women.

More on that behind the lj-cutCollapse )
Thats a brief summary (apart from the long and scarilly anal-retentive analysis of the behviour of my crush) of whats happened to me since last December. There are also many important things I realised after having time to think over the Christmas period, when I was temperailly laid off, but I'll write about them later on today.
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
1:38 am
Someone reversed into my mums car earlier today. There was no damage, but our family's cars have been hit twice within the same day. We must of caught some kind of Winter Solstice curse. Either that or Christmas time turns the majority of the population into drunken, violent retards. I've had time to calm down and I've realised that the man driving off is probably the best situation for me. He was drunk, so If I had to tell him that I was going to turn him into the police, he would of probably gotten angry, and possibly violent. If he had been mature about it, exchanged insurance details and I turned him in behind his back, I would feel uncomfortable about it and there is the possibility of him getting violent again (because I would of given him my address, which I didn't have to do because he drove off). Being drunk and running away made turning him in so much easier, and if it gets taken to court I'm going to milk it for all its worth by telling them I'm suffering from severe mental stress, which can only be cured by an all expenses paid trip to tokyo (which obviously includes a visit to every major Para Para club in Tokyo, and possibly Chiba). The police were very understanding and helpful. It seems like it was only a smashed license plate and there is no other exterior damage, although after the accident I did notice that the left side of the dashboard panel was a lot dimmer then the other (we can't tell if it was caused by the accident yet), but they didn't think it was a waste of their time. There was some damage, and there could of been a lot more, and the man was very drunk (one of the witnesses said they were going through red lights, swerving around a lot and hitting the pavement constantly, so he shouldn't of been on the road. I think reporting the drunken driver was more important then reporting the damage though.

We haven't heard from the police yet, so we don't know whats happening. They said they couldn't find the cars details, but there were a lot of camera's around that area and very little traffic, so they could probably find the license plate number if we got it wrong. They think it might of been a fake license plate number, so it might take us a while to find out about it.
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
2:21 am
I just had an extremely depressing day. One of my friends had a Winter Solstice Party, and I agreed to go to it. I usually avoid going to friends parties, because I can't stand it when there are so many strangers there and I'm sitting in the corner and everyone thinks I'm being anti-social or that I'm boring. I decided to go there this time because I rarely get to see most of my friends now adays. I was able to quickly realise that no one cared that I was there or was interested in talking to me, so I decided to leave around 1.

When driving back something happened that really made my day. I stopped at some traffic lights and someone crashed into the back of me. I was really shocked, because I didn't expect something like that to happen to me, especially when there was so little traffic (and night time driving seemed to be fairly safe from the times I've driven that late). I got out of the car, and 2 women in the car in the next lane (who were very kind and helpful and was the only part of the night I was grateful for) said I should be careful, because they're probably drunk. I went up to the car, slightly scared, and the man behind the wheel said "I'm sorry I took your license plate off, but I've had my chips so I'm ok to drive". I asked if we could exchange insurance details, and he said yes and then THE BASTARD DROVE OFF!!!!!!!. They didn't do much damage to the car and the only noticable damage was the license plate, which was smashed, but I reported it to the police and they said they were going to track the car down.

That accident was probably fate telling me that I was an idiot for going there. I really should of realised that I'm incredible dull and no one likes me. I just wish the bastard did a better job of harming me, because I'm still alive. Maybe If the police find out who he is I can get him to finish me off properly, but that probably won't happen.

Current Mood: Angry & Angst-Ridden
Thursday, November 24th, 2005
9:10 pm
Update On Work
I started work yesterday and I found out that they wanted us to phone up Gala Bingo members and ask them to answer a questionairre over the phone. I hate having to talk to strangers over the phone, but I don't have any difficulty with this job. The only part of the job that makes me feel uncomfortable is the people I work with, who keep tell me I sound suicidal whenever I talk to people. The work seems almost as mundane as factory work, but the time usually passes much quicker. I didn't feel too drained by 5 and I didn't feel too bad about going to college afterwards, unfortunately it took me an hour to get to college, which is just 10 minutes down the road from work, because there are 2 roundabouts there and 1 of them is next to the exit for the M1. I was really glad that they asked me to work 12-8 today, because it gave me time sleep and I was able to make all of my meals the next day.

I'm supposed to be working 9-5 most of the time, so around 90% of the people I phone are at work. After 6 most of the people are out, are going out, are eating their dinner or being kept busy by their children. I always heard interesting stories from my friends that did call centre work, but so far the only interesting call I had was a women who put me on hold. The person who was supervised me asked what happened when they started to play music and we all thought that someone putting a call centre worker on hold was really funny. I think she was trying to get revenge on call centres for the people who have been annoyed by them.

I was also able to the Nintendo Wifi adapter yesterday, but it can't get access to the Internet for some reason, although I have given it full access in my firewall. I think I should of just gotten a router.
Tuesday, November 22nd, 2005
10:13 pm
I got back from Malaysia on the 8th and it took me a while to get adapt to life back here. In the last 2 weeks since I got back I continued to live the ganguro lifestyle (i.e. unemployment and para para), minus the promiscuity and drinking. Tomorrow I'm starting a temp job, which takes place from 9-5, and then I have college from 6-9, so I'm going to have no free time tomorrow. I was expecting to be doing Industrial work, but they're sending me to a call centre, which makes me a bit nervous, but I'm glad that I've finally got some work, which will hopefully be ongoing. If working there goes well I'll be able to get Admin or Data Entry Work more easilly, so I'm hoping I don't ruin it with my social ineptitude.

Today I was also able to learn that I lose all discipline when I'm offered a job. I've resisted buying We <3 Techpara for the last few weeks but, because I may now have a steady source of income, I finally broke down and bought both We <3 Techpara 1 and Super Eurobeat 162. I still consider myself to be slightly disciplined after resisting Love Para2 and SEB 161, though, because there are just too many Eurobeat and Para stuff to buy at the moment, after we had a 2 year drought of para para DVD's, but I suppose thats what happens when we get into a para para boom. I'm still going to have to get SEB 161 and a Farm CD sometime, because Saifam are underrated and should of been on SEB since 141 and The Farm CD's have some great songs.

After I got back from Malaysia I really missed it for the first week, because I miss Malaysia's great and cheap food, the diversity of the country, its traditionalism and how everything there is so relaxed. I spent a while wondering wether I would be happier living in KL, but after visiting some friends in Derby, I realised that there is something uniquely English (or western), which I would miss, which is the sick sense of humour that most english people have. There were so many things in Malaysia that I thought were extremely funny, but everyone in Malaysia was too jaded or offended to see the slightly funny side of it. I'll mention a few of the things we joked about under a cut, because I don't want to offend anyone.

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Other things that happened included getting Mario Kart today, which I love and can't wait to play online, getting SEB 160, which is the most varied request countdown so far (because they finally allowed people to vote for Euromach and Eurobeat Flash songs), and my fears about my already dull social life becoming non-existant after my friends went to Uni becoming true. At the moment I only have one friend who has a similar working schedule to me, which is weekdays 9-5. I have a friend who goes to Uni, who I used to meet up with a lot, and is now extremely busy with Uni work. I'll have a lot of trouble seeing my friends in Derby again, because the only day they have free is Thurdays. I could drive to Derby at 5 after work on Thursdays, but the traffic will be very bad, I'll be tired after a day at work, I'll only have a few hours there, and I'll have very little sleep. I was dreading working slightly because it feels like I have to choose between having a job or being able to see my friends. I think now that I have work I'll very little social contact with people, which even makes someone like me, who has Social Anxiety Disorder, quite sad. I'll just have to see what happens and I will try my best to see my friends whenever I can, because I'll go mad if I have no one to talk to.
Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
3:37 pm
I have some time to kill at an Internet Cafe, so I'm writing in here. I've been inPenangfor a few days now, and its been quite interesting so far. After leaving the Airport we took a Taxi to my parents apartmentin Batu Ferringhii. The man that drove us there was insane. He spent almost 1/4 of the time driving on the wrong side of the road. If the other side of the road was empty, or if there were only motorbikes there, he would move onto that side of the road until any larger vehicles came closer to us. He pissed of lots of people and many of the bikers had to quickly brake and get away from us before he hit them.

We spent the next day furnishing the apartment, which we managed to do completely in one day and we've mostly been shopping the last few days. So far I've gotten a really cheap Avex J Pop CD/DVD box set and lots of crazy asian sweets. They had preserved plum flavour sweets, which I've got to get to annoy my friends, who now cringe at the mention of the word preserved. I also managed to get to an arcade yesterday and I saw a great and a terrible sight. I saw an arcade with 2 Para Para Paradise 2nd mixes, but unfortunately someone was stomping on the ground sensors to the tuneof Sexy Sexy Sexy.

I'm going to KL in 2 days time, and hoepfully I'll be able to get lots of bubble tea and stuff I can't get here.
Thursday, October 20th, 2005
1:09 pm
I've wanted to write in here for a while during the past few weeks, but I never got round to it. I'm going away to Malaysia until the 8th of November. The last time I went to Malaysia was around this time in 2002 and during that trip I learned how to do Para Para. Some time between the 24th and the 28th of October (I can't remember the date exactly), I will have been doing Para Para for exactly 3 years, and I'll be in the Country where I first learned it during that time. It probably makes no sense to anyone, but when I first learned Para Para in some arcade there I never thought I would ever be any good at it. I was surprised I could learn one routine and I never expected to be able to learn any intermediate routines or be any good at it. I somehow managed to become fairly decent at it and learn quite a large amount of routines, and it has become quite a big part of my life.

They had loads of PPP machines there the last time and I hope they will still be around now. I'm going to have to play on them as often as I can, because I've lost a bit of weight recently and I don't want to put anymore on. I didn't want to go on holiday a week ago, because I don't want to get into the habit of eating really unhealthy food, but I know I won't care when I get there. I just hope I can get back into the usual eating habits quickly when I get back here.

I started college about 5 weeks ago. I'll have to write about it later. I've had a lot of doubts about going into IT, despite loving the course. I don't think I'll ever have the dedication thats necessary for IT. All of the best people in IT live for technology, but I just have too many interests, and technology is far behind Para Para, Eurobeat, Games, Anime and Books. Most of the people on my course work in IT and they all love technology, keep up with new types of technology and get very excited by new developments, but at the moment care more about keeping up with the developments at Velfarre, Starfire and 9LoveJ.

I also managed to go to the PPUK meetup at The Midlands Anime Club earlier this month. I did nothing but dance whilst I was there and didn't do anything in the slightest bit anime related, despite it being an anime club. We used a Cafe (which reminded me of the PPP6 Special Stage set), setup a camera and music and danced for about 3-4 hours. We got Go Go Money, Spiderman and Fly High filmed whilst we were there. I didn't get a chance to watch Advent Children, but I had a very good time there.

I bought Advance Wars: Dual Strike to play on the plane, and I love it so far. I've only played the GBA games twice, but I'm starting to learn how it works. I won't be buying any games or Anime in Malaysia this time, so I'll probably only be buying Books and J-Pop CD's (and Eurobeat if I see any), so I don't expect to spend as much money this year (I doubt thats actually going to happen though).
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
10:28 pm
I haven't written in here much because I haven't really done anything for a while. I've been trying to find work since I finished college and it seems ver unlikely that i'll get any IT work before finish my HNC. There are very few IT jobs available to people with no experience and a level 3 qualification, so I'm just going to look for any permanent work until I start college and avoid looking for temperary work until I start college, so that I don't have to pay extra tuition fees for work that will probably last for 2 weeks. I got my results about 2 weeks ago and I got an average of 2 Distinctions and a Merit, which I should be happy with but I'm sure I could of gotten 3 Distinctions and I would still be unemployed.

I also went to Ayacon about 2 weeks ago. It was the first Con I went to and I had a great time. I'm definately going to the next Ayacon and Amecon next year. I helped with the Para Para workshop (where we did the Para Para Paradise 5 Special Performance, taught Yesterday, gave a brief talk about Para Para and Eurobeat and did a few routines from PPP 5) and it went very well. I was very nervous about it, because I wasn't sure how well the teaching and the performance would go and I was worried that a lot of people would go there to laugh at us. I felt much better about it as soon as I got to the Con though, because there was such a relaxed atmosphere. People seemed to have less inhibitions and didn't care about getting any negative comments about cosplaying from anyone. I met everyone else working on the Workshop and the practice went very well. We couldn't figure out what we could do at the end of the PPP5 Special Performance where the music was sped up, so you just did the routine very quickly and added in some moves to finish it. On the night before the workshop we went to the Dance party and danced in order to try and promote the event, which probably didn't work very well, because most people probably didn't know what we were doing. The workshop went very well, even though I think I might of made a few mistakes. There were around 15 people at the Workshop, which wasn't too bad considering that Para Para is unheard of here, it was at lunch time, it clashed with several events (including Appleseed, which I really wanted to see) and it wasn't on the timetable, I wasn't expecting many people to be interested in it, so it was OK. Later on I found out that there were a few other people who wanted to go to the Workshop, but several of them were still in bed and some of them didn't know what time it was. Later that day we also did Para Para in the Courtyard outside the Uni building and we filmed a few Videos on the Sunday. I rarely do Para Para in a group, so it was great meeting everyone and dancing with them. I hope we get to do it at another Con.

Another great part of the Con was the Blood concert. They were great and I can tell every J-Rock fan that I know that I went to see the first Visual Kei performance in the UK. I decided that I might as well go all out and spend even more money on one of Blood's CDs. I was hoping that they would sign pictures, because I was sure that my friend who lent me the hat for the Ryoko Cosplay would love a picture of an effeminate cross-dressing J-Rock band, but they just gave signed pieces of paper with their CD's. I also bought some really cheap Spirited Away film books, a Maison Ikkoku box set and some Dojinshi.

I drove back home on the Sunday evening after we filmed a few routines and I was really tired for several days. My arms were sore for 3 days and it took me 4 days to get back into a normal sleeping pattern. A week later I was able to escape my habit of eating lots of unhealthy food that I got into during Ayacon and I went on a Detox today. I went on one about 3 weeks ago and it went quite well and I noticed an improvemnt in my energy levels. I was going to go on another Detox the day before I went to Ayacon, but I decided to binge on takeaways instead, because I knew thats what I would be doing all weekend. I'm sure I've almost retoxed after Ayacon, so I really needed to do it again. I was dreading it but it wasn't too bad. I never felt hungry and the only thing I didn't like was the Alfalfa sprouts, which taste terrible, but are essential because they have a lot of nutrients and are one of my main sources of protein and Calcium for the day. Unfortunately I probably won't be able to continue eating well or excercising tomorrow because my brother is coming over, and I always have to eat as part of the familly so that my brothr doesn't say I'm antisociable. I'll be surprised if I can move my arms tomorrow though after the amount of Para Para I did today, in order to get my lymphs moving, despite the slight pains in my arms that I had this morning.
Monday, June 6th, 2005
6:33 pm
After staying up all night about a week ago I've gotten really lazy and I've only just recovered from the sleep deprivation. We didn't get a chance to play on half the stuff we were planning to play, as usual. We spent most of the time playing on Mario Party 5 (which I won) and Super Monkey Ball 2. For once I won quite a lot of the games. I got the most stars on Mario Party and won several Monkey Fight games. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to beat everyone at Samba De Amigo.

I was able to get a early half term because I didn't have any more work to do for college. Hopefully when I go in on Wednesday they would of marked all of my work. I've got a merit average so far so hopefully I'll be able to get a distinction and merit for more units. I should be finished in a few weeks and I'll be able to find work then.

I've also recently become addicted to a TV show called Monkey Dust after watching some of it at my friends house. Its a really weird animated sketch show that satirises life in the UK. Its also extremely sadistic. Its the type of show where I can't stop watching despite the fact that I get really caught up in it and it really affects me. The most sadistic sketch were the divorce dad sketches. In the first one a man has his son, who lives with his ex-wife, stay with him and they talk and he realises he doesn't know him anymore and thinks he doesn't care. He then kills himself and his son asks if he can live with him instead. In the next divorece dad sketch his son insluts his new girlfriend, who then walks off. He kills himself again and then his son says his mum forced him to say that and he really likes his new girlfriend. I loved the sketch but I kept hoping that he would eventually stop killing himself. I didn't expect that to happen, but it did in the last sketch. I can't wait for Season 2 and 3 to be released on DVD because its one of the best TV shows ever.
Wednesday, May 11th, 2005
6:08 pm
Herr Ratzinger = Holiest Vampire
I went over to a friends house on Sunday. I decided to show him Electroplankton because he has a DS and said he isn't usually very good at music games. I thought since its impossible to make music which doesn't sound great on Electroplankton he might like it. He spent ages using Volvoice. He tried speaking into the microphone and tried to repeat the reversed dialogue that was played back. He was able to find out whats my sweet satan backwards. Then he decided to try saying Herr Ratzinger and it played back what sounded like someone mumbling holiest vampire. He said holiest vampire into it and it sounded like someone was mumbling Herr Ratzinger. We both thought it was really funny. He showed the game to his mum and she laughted when he said Nurse Yes Eel Slum and it played back My Sweet Satan. She thought the holliest vampire was really funny as well because its so true. I also thought it was really funny that Smurfs Are Yum sounds like My Arse Hurts when played backwards. He then spent almost an hour making a sentence backwards, which mentioned Herr Ratzinger and ended with no sons of mine will be choir boys. We also played on Daigassou and completed Zelda: Four Swords. The last few levels on The Four Swords were really easy. The puzzles didn't seem very difficult at all and Ganon was really easy to beat. The only damage that Ganon could give (except from his sword, which did hardly any damage, was very easy to evade and easy to predict) was an attack where he threw his staff.

The reason I went over to his house was to give him Resident Evil 4. I spent ages looking for it and then the shop, which I originally ordered it from but was out of stock didn't cancel my order correctly and sent me another one a week after I got it from Gamestation. Its a good game but its not the greatest of all time like some people have said. I had only played on the first game briefly and I decided I wouldn't play on it again until they give it a better control scheme. They have now given it a control scheme thats good but far from perfect (it doesn't have any strafing, which I think is annoying). Its a great game but I don't think its the best I've ever played on.
Monday, April 25th, 2005
12:44 pm
I went to a friends house friday night to play on games and stuff for a while. We played on Four Swords and DS games as usual and we also had a strange conversation about the grey area in sex, which my friend thinks should of been on those Honda adverts (at least I think it was Honda) where people in cars are talking about some random thing. One of them said they heard that a hundred years ago a women sleeping with another women wasn't considered adultery. It was because Queen Victoria didn't think women could have sex with each other and they wondered if there are people in the government deciding what is or isn't sex. I told them that there is no concencus on what is or isn't sex and that I was surprised to hear that a lot of people don't believe that oral sex is actually sex. One of them then shouted well it isn't. I then asked wether someone who had never had vaginal but had taken part in the biggest oral/anal orgy was still a virgin. He said that he'll be surprised if I'm able to find anyone who's had anal or oral sex but not vaginal sex, which he said despite knowing the 2 people he he was talking too were gay. After argueing we looked it up in the dictionary and it said virgin- someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse, sexual intercourse- the vagina being penetrated by the penis. I checked it in several online dictionaries when I got home and they said the same thing. If thats true then that means I will always be a virgin (unless I sleep with a women, which is never going to happen). That means I could blow, wank, rim, spank, fist and fuck thousands of men and still claim that I'm a virgin whos dedicated his life to chastity and call all my heterosexual friends a bunch of slags. Maybe they just haven't considered gay sex in the dictionary but my friend thinks its homophobic. No matter what the dictionary says oral and anal still seem like sex to me.

We didn't get a chance to play Samba De Amigo, which I brought my DC and both sets of Maracas for but I got to show them Pac Pix, which is now one of my favorate DS games. One of them only played on the gallery but really liked it and the other one completed a few levels, and thankfully didn't beat any of my high scores. We also played on daigassou until 2:30 in the morning. It was a great multiplayer game and I don't know why no one thought about making a multiplayer music game where people play differant instruments before. Since they didn't call me until 9 I stayed there until 2:30, at which point I had to drive back before I fell asleep.

I also finally got some Delta Dance vinyls. I got My Bandito, Din Don Dan, Let me be Your Baby and Round n Round. Unlike the other labels vinyls they have remixes of the songs instead of dub/last mixes. There was a cool remix of My Bandito and a Drum n Base remix of round n Round. They were a bit more then vinyls usuually cost but they were in perfect condition.
Monday, April 11th, 2005
9:22 pm
I've had my DS for a month now so I think its not too short sighted to say that its amazing. I still love Yoshi Touch And Go and I've tried the 2 player mode as well now. I think they should of made the 2 player mode endless and a deathmatch instead of just getting to the end first. The randomness of the 2 player game is great but I would of preffered extra modes for it. I doubt they'll make a sequel for it a the Kirby game that has similar controls is only 1 player. I also had to buy Pac Pix because it looks great. I always thought Chu Chu Rocket would be great on the DS and its the closest thing to it. Its definately the last game I'm getting for a while. I really need to concentrate on my college work so I can finish early. I also want to wait for some more games to be released here so that I can help the european sales.

As well as buying games i got some really cheap eurobeat off of ebay. I got several Time, Annerley Gordon and Norma Sheffield vinyls andthe King & Queen vinyl that was released on Double. The TIme ones were 99p and the A Beat C and Double ones were £3. Some of them are really good but there are a few that I don't really like. The King & Queen mix sounds exactly like the ordinary one too so I don't think its very differant from the one released on A Beat C. I also got the order from Hi Nrg Attack. They didn't ship it until I asked them about it but it was probably delayed because it was around easter. The Baby Bazooka Album was very short but very good. The acappellas and last versions are a great bonus though and they were always what I loved about the vinyl versions. I thought Para Para Moo was great. It has some great classics and a lot of the new ones were great too. I was disappointed that Moto Moto Inamoto was just Caballero With Sombrero but Galinero Cha Cha made up for it.
Sunday, March 27th, 2005
2:35 pm
I've had my DS for a while now and I'm now addicted to many of the DS games. After getting it and finishing Project Rub I bought Ridge Racer, Mario and Yoshi Touch And Go. Yoshi Touch And Go is a game that I wasn't really sure about. It only uses the stylus and microphone but its an actual game and not just a bunch of mini games. In the first level you just draw clouds to guide baby Mario to coins and away from enemies and kill enemies by drawing a circle around them and trapping them in a bubble. In the 2nd level you draw clouds to get Yoshi off of gaps, trap enemies in bubbles and make Yoshi throw eggs. The only movement of Yoshi's that you can control is by making him jump. One of the modes is endless and randomly generated so it saves it from getting boring. I was worried that the touch screen and microphone would mean that there would be nothing but mini games on it but this is a full game that uses them well. It sounds extremely simple but it is hard in parts. Theres also a Kirby game that uses similar controls and gameplay but is a real platform game with a beginning, an end, differant levels and boss fights. Metroid was another game that used the touch screen very well. It uses it like a mouse in a FPS. THe only thing that makes it worse then a mouse is that you can only press one button (the L shoulder burron for right handed people) when holding the stylus and D Pad. It looks amazing too. I was surprised how good the intro looked because the pictures of it looked very blocky. I'm not sure if there will be many other games that use the touch screen creatively but so far I've been very impressed with the ideas that people have had for it.

I also got the money from the child bond things. I've saved most of it into an ISA account so I can spend a bit of it. I got some games and I've also bought the 2 Hi-NRG Attack CD's on the site that I don't have have. I also got another vinyl with them which I shuld receive in about a week.
Sunday, March 13th, 2005
7:34 pm
I haven't been able to write in this for a while because LJ has kept being set to read only mode and I couldn't sign in or update. I've been a lot busier recently. I know that somepeople might think I'm insane for admitting this but I bought a Nintendo DS. I was considering getting one in April because I'm getting money then, its cheap and I loved the look of Project Rub/Feel The Magic XY/XX. I had a 20% discount for ebay so I used that to buy it. I haven't got it yet but one of my freinds got it on the launch day so I played on his. He had Mario and Wario Ware and I had bought Project Rub. I was able to play on it for a while and I don't regret buying it at all. In fact I wonder how I could of gone till April without wanting to buy one. I know so many people say the PSP has better graphics so theres no point in getting a DS but it has some very good games on it. So many people said Project Rub is boring or extremely stressful but I loved it. Its like a fucked up and perverse version of Incredible Crisis. Its a bunch of mini games that follow a story, which is about a boy trying to get a girls attention and then trying to protect her. It uses the touch screen and microphone to play so it shows what the DS could be capable of. It even had a level which I think would make any GTA player shocked. Its a boss level and I played on it and forgot to read the instructions. Your driving (using the stylus to control the car) and there are other cars and people on the road and later on theres the boss who you have to kill. I assumed you had to avoid both the cars and the people but I was wrong. You had to avoid the cars and run over the people and when youget to the boss you have to kill it by catapulting the people at it by pulling a lever back with the stylus. I'm used to hearing about games where you have to run people over but using them as ammunition is a bit tasteless, even if it is funny. It even had a game where you have to take the girls clothes off. I just hope they manage to find a use for the touch screen other then just mini games. Mini games are great and its good to see developers taking advantage of a hardware innovations (unlike the gba-gc link up with the kirby demo amazed everyone, was never released and was later used for only pointless extras so that they could make people buy the gba game as well) but I don't want it to be nothing but minigames. I didn't get a chance to play on the metroid demo so I don't know if it makes good use of the touch screen. Some people said it would be very good for FPS's and RTS's. Strategy games would probably need a bigger screen for them to work though (except for the new Advance Wars).

I also went to Rome about 2 weeks ago. Rome was unlike any city I've ever gone to. There are so few cities where ancient and modern buildings are side by side (like the Pantheon which is almost 2000 years old and is next to a bunch of Cafes). We went to see quite a lot of places including The Colloseum, The Roman Forum, The Vatican, The Pantheon and The Spanish Steps. I have very little respect for the Catholic church but I still enjoyed going to the Vatican because even if they are intolerant the place looks very nice and has some great art. We were able to see the Sistine Chapel. I liked it but my parents thought it was over rated. They were both amased at the hall leading up to it. It was very long and the ceiling was covered with differant paintings. My dads far from being an art fan but even he was amazed. i was also able to see a Pagan temple (the temple of Saturn, which is just a few pillars now) and an ex-pagan temple (the Pantheon, which was converted into a church in the 7th century and is very well preserved). The Pantheon was great. Its main source of light is a circular whole in the roof. Its supposed to look great when its raining. The rain is supposed to fall in a perfect circle and fall down the marble drains but it didn't rain when we we're there (despite it raining the rest of that day) I tried to look for Italo or Eurobeat but I wasn't surprised that they had neither of them at the music stores I went to ebcause I heard it was only popular in the north during the 80's. The food was also great. I have never been to a city so obsessed with food. On the main street near where we stayedevery 3rd or 4th place sold hot food. I always loved the Roman style Pizza's and it was great trying them fresh. Italian meals are too big though (theres anti pasto, pasta course, meat/fish course, dessert and coffee) so we were never able to have a full meal, which is eaten over 3 hours (the most I managed was 2 courses over 1 1/2 hours). Me and my mum also got addicted to Gelato, which is Italian Ice Cream. They have so much more variety then they do here and they were all great. I'm hoping that I'll be able to go to Rome if I can get to the Iventi party next year.
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